Brittney Griner, Kristi Noem, & Barbaro – The Politically Correct ACC Preview

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Good morning and welcome to 4th & Forever, Rand & Tate’s College Football Newsletter. This week you’re stuck with Rand because Tate is somewhere in Europe drinking room-temperature water and reminding an entire continent that they’d be speaking German if it weren’t for our military prowess. Only a few short weeks until we have our quadrennial calendar appointment to show the world how utterly dominant we are at all the important sports like basketball, swimming, gymnastics, and track & field.

Come to think of it, the Olympics aren't too different from college football. If Team USA or your team wins, you get to publicly proclaim your superiority over the wretched scum that’d even waste their time challenging you. If your team loses, there’s no other rationale than the other team is cheating (read: every Chinese and Russian athlete is doping) or the game didn’t matter in the first place (read: badminton and bowl games). 

ACC Preview

So Tate’s gallivanting around Europe and stuck me with analyzing every single ACC school with one very notable exception. As we did last week in the Big 12 preview, we broke up the teams into different tiers but note where teams fall does not indicate a projected order of finish. We’ll get to our fool-proof, 100% lock predictions later this summer. I’m going to stop beating around the bush and cut to the chase but please know that I had an irrationally fun time writing this…especially the part on your team. 

Tier 1: The CEOs Suing Their Employer 

Florida State Seminoles

Coach: Mike “Bland as lard” Norvell is entering his fifth season in Tallanasty and if Lane Kiffin didn’t exist, he’d easily be the Portal King. His fake interest in Alabama this offseason resulted in a fat contract extension that’ll pay him north of $10 million/year. I don’t know how the school is affording it based on their very public ‘woe is me’ posturing via the ACC lawsuit would lead you to believe the entire athletic department is on the verge of bankruptcy. If the SEC doesn’t save them, here's hoping Saudi Arabia’s PIF does.

Quarterback: Jesus, Michael Jordan, The Undertaker, and now DJ Uiagalelei - He’s backkkkkkkkkkk! He wasn’t crucified (as much as Clemson fans tried to), suspended by David Stern for a gambling addiction, or written off the show by an accused sex trafficker Vince McMahon. DJU is simply back in the ACC after taking a forest retreat to Corvallis, OR. DJU was a benefactor of having RB Damien Martinez (now at Miami ironically) in his backfield and while he showed improvement from his time at Clemson, he didn’t go out and win games with his arm, nor was he really asked to. We’ll find out soon enough if DJU will finally live up to his 5-star billing or if Clemson fans were right about him.

Schedule analysis: For a team that has a chip on its shoulder from the 2023 playoff snub and subsequently beaten into submission by Georgia, FSU’s season is playoff or bust. Therefore, the season comes down to three games. Clemson at home, at Miami, and at Notre Dame. Go 2-1 at worst and don’t give the committee another reason to leave you out because the rest of their schedule is cake. Also, word to the wise Mikey Mike because I know you’re reading: don’t call a QB run with your star QB in Week 12 against North Alabama.

Glass Half Full & Empty: FSU was down 29 scholarship players when they lost to Georgia 63-3 in the Orange Bowl last year. Twenty-nine. That’s one-third of the scholarship limit on a roster. That’s a lot of talent to replace even for a program as rich - er, broke, sorry Noles admin - as Florida State. Yet, FSU is always one of the most talented teams in the conference. Their defense will be lethal, especially up front with Marvin Jones Jr, who transferred in from UGA, and Patrick Payton. Their CB tandem is one of the best in the nation and they always churn out quality RBs which will help DJU immensely. A lot of talent to replace but there’s little reason to doubt Norvell other than he’s yet to make the playoff. Ouch.

Clemson Tigers

Coach: Dabo “I’d like to speak with your manager” Swinney. Like a middle-aged Karen who’s just looking for someone to yell at, I'm anxiously awaiting what minor inconvenience will set Dabo off this fall. Last year Dabo went Double Platinum in having to walk back comments after ripping his fanbase and theorizing that losing would help lighten the bandwagon. I don’t know if I’m more excited for actual football games to start or for Dabo to get behind a microphone on a weekly basis. Here’s hoping he gets that elusive Diamond certification and joins the likes of Nickelback, Shania Twain, and Celine Dion.

Quarterback: After a historic, decade-long run of Tahj Boyd, DeShaun Watson, and Trevor Lawrence, DJU was supposed to be the Truth. That didn’t work out as Clemson fans clamored for Cade Klubnik and swore he was the Truth. Well after his first year as the full-time starter, he’s looking more like a white lie. If you take away the games against FAU and Charleston Southern last year, he only had 3 games where he passed for at least three touchdowns and those opponents were Georgia Tech, Syracuse, and a loss to Miami in 2OT which is also the only game the entire year he eclipsed 300 passing yards.

Schedule analysis: Ohhhhhh buddy are we going to learn right damn quick about dem Tiguhs! Week 1 in Atlanta for a ‘neutral’ site game against Georgia. A loss is expected but do not get embarrassed and God help Dabo if one of the three transfer WRs Georgia brought in goes off like FSU’s Keon Coleman did against them last year. I would say RB Trevor Etienne (transfer from Florida and brother of Clemson legend Travis) is the safer bet here, but he apparently passed his Georgia Football hazing ritual of reckless and drunk driving through downtown Athens and may be suspended for the opener. Anyways… Week 2 back in Death Valley results in a visit from App State and I’ll let Texas A&M and Michigan fans explain what happens if you let the fox in the hen house. After a bye week, offseason darlings NC State visit. Stanford comes next, whatever, but then the Tigers travel to Tallahassee and former quarterback DJ Uiagalelei. Clemson is going to be a soap opera for better or worse this year and for content purposes, there’s no one better to be the head of the snake than Mr. William Christopher “Dabo” Swinney.

Glass Half Full: The knee-jerk reaction that the sky is falling after a 9-4 record last year goes to show just how dominant Clemson has been for the last decade. This is one of the most talented rosters in college football with 5-star recruits at every position. It’s unfair (but hilarious) that anything less than an 11-win season is a disappointment and they can thank Nick Saban for that standard. They’re going to win a bunch of games this year, probably make it to Charlotte, and maybe the playoff. What’s the fuss about?

Glass Half Empty: Every offseason Dabo doesn’t use the transfer portal he might as well make a speech to his team that he is failing them as a coach by not putting them in the best position to win. This team is top 15 talented, not national championship talented. If they had one proven WR and a few depth pieces in the secondary (which is easily and readily available through the transfer portal) you could convince me otherwise, but banking on Klubnik to put the team on his back after 13 data points suggests otherwise probably isn’t a good strategy. 

Tier 2: The Self-entitled VPs Who Think They’re Next in Line when the CEO Leaves (for another conference)

 Miami Hurricanes

Coach: Mario “Coaches like he took the opponent's Moneyline” Cristobal. We’ve written about Mario ad nauseam since the inception of this newsletter. You can catch up here, here, and here. Being a main character in our newsletter usually means you’re shitty at your job and/or can’t handle the media (ahem, Dabo). Cristobal is now strapped with the most talented roster he’s ever had (remember he coached at Oregon) and needs to stop Miami from puking on themselves as they’ve been prone to do for the past 25 years.

Quarterback: Cam Ward played Miami like a puppet this offseason and honestly, good for him. After entering the transfer portal from Wazzu he claimed he was entering the NFL Draft and then magically he announced he was coming to $outh Beach. Ward was the best QB to enter the transfer portal this offseason and likely will be worth every penny. In his 4 years as a starter (2 at Wazzu and 2 at FCS Incarnate Word) he’s passed for over 13,000 yards with 135 total TDs. In a conference devoid of proven, top-end QB talent he enters the year as the prohibitive favorite for ACC Player of the Year.

Schedule analysis: Every college football coach agent has an appointment with their television at 3:30 pm on Saturday, August 31^st to watch Miami v Florida in The Swamp. The losing coach will immediately be slung into the Kali Ma Cage like that super annoying blonde in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. Napier needs it more than Cristobal but if Miami loses then he will be coaching for his job when the Canes visit Tampa to face USF’s potent offense three weeks later. Nothing else on the schedule matters. Don’t go 0-2 against USF and UF and if you don’t then we can talk about the October visit from the Seminoles. Also, fun scheduling quirk because I can’t help myself: the last time Miami visited Winston-Salem was 2009. 15 years, same conference, one matchup. That changes on November 23, 2024, of course, but still ridiculous.

Glass Half Full: Earlier this week, 247 Sports came out with their annual Blue Chip Ratio which analyzes the percentage of your roster that’s comprised of 4 and 5-star recruits. Miami is 12th highest in the country at 61% just behind Clemson at 64%. Ironically, they’ve had the best recruiting class in the conference for the past two years. When you start stacking recruiting classes with the best transfer QB and RB in the portal this offseason, you’ve got a damn good team. 

Glass Half Empty: Forget Mario Cristobal, what has Miami football done in the past 20+ years that’d make you want to bet on them simply being above average this year? They went 7-6 last year and lost to Rutgers in the Pinstripe Bowl! They’ll go 8-4 with some inexplicable loss to a horrible ACC team, sign an absurdly talented recruiting class, and be preseason top-20 for 2025. And in 365 days I’ll be right back here writing the same story as Groundhog Day.

Virginia Tech Hokies

Coach: Brent “Maybe if I look like Bud Foster they won’t fire me” Pry. Year 1 under Pry was a complete wash given Justin Fuente burned the program to the ground on his way out, but last year’s ‘surprising’ 7-6 campaign should tell you just how low expectations were in Blacksburg. Pry hasn’t yet established a baseline competency to measure success off of given early losses to Purdue, Rutgers, and Marshall last fall but with a returning star QB and stout defense, he’s running out of mulligans against inferior foes.

Quarterback: Kyron Drones turned down overtures (read: tampering) from top-tier programs like LSU to remain in Blacksburg. He’s still raw and needs to shore up his accuracy issues but he came on strong at the end of last year and now that I’m writing it kinda sounds like Alabama’s Jalen Milroe. I haven’t seen Jalen Milroe play live but I have seen Kyron Drones and I watched this dude throw for 300+ yards in a drubbing against the Deacs last year. He better win the Heisman or something. 

Schedule analysis: Historically Virginia Tech isn’t afraid to schedule up as evidenced by a previous home and homes with Ohio State and future tilts with Alabama, Ole Miss, and Wisconsin but what are we doing in 2024? Rutgers and Vanderbilt? Do you think you’re as slick as Brent Pry’s hair? Or are they your safety net for the also scheduled Marshall and Old Dominion, two teams you’ve lost to this decade? Whatever the answer is I better look up and see a 4-0 Virginia Tech before ACC play or else all the Drones hype is all for naught.

Glass Half Full: Including kicker and punter there are 24 starting positions on a football team. 20 of the projected starters for the Hokies are juniors, seniors, are grad transfers and the rest are sophomores. Three of the four are returning starters and one of those is the kicker. The other is their safety but Virginia Tech was 4th in the nation in passing yards/game allowed last year and the rest of the secondary returns. This team is experienced and has a Drones & defense combo that’s up to par with the Iron Dome. Has Netanyahu considered dipping his toes into the NIL space?

Glass Half Empty: I need to know if a Hokie is in fact a castrated turkey or if that’s a rumor percolated via Virginia fans. My in-depth research yielded inconclusive results and until I resolve this pressing matter I will not buy into the Hokie High Hype. Last year’s 5-2 second-half surge included wins over Wake Forest, Syracuse, Boston College, and Virginia. They still got drubbed by Florida State and Louisville which are the only two good teams they played all year. 

Louisville Cardinals

Coach: Jeff “Balding Spalding” Brohm. I couldn’t think of anything, but he is bald and therefore looks like a basketball. After chasing Scott Satterfield up the Ohio River to Cincinnati, Louisville was finally able to reel in hometown hero Brohm from Purdue. After year 1 it looks like the Louisville faithful might know what they are talking about for the first time in recorded human history. A 10-4 debut season and ACC Championship Game appearance is as good as you can ask for. Last year’s schedule was one of the easiest in the nation and gets significantly tougher this year, so we’ll get a sense of just how good Brohm is at his job in due time.

Quarterback: In every conference, there’s seemingly one QB where you see his name and think holy shit how old is this dude? Last week it was Alan Bowman (age 24) at Oklahoma State and the ACC’s old hag representative is Tyler Shough at Louisville who will turn 25 this fall. Bowman and Shough both had stops at Texas Tech which just might be a haven for transfer QBs. If I were the NCAA eligibility police you couldn’t pay me enough to go to Lubbock, TX. Brohm found success with Purdue/Cal transfer QB Jack Plummer last fall and Shough’s swan song should yield similar results.

Schedule analysis: Brohm needs to hold serve at home because the travel schedule is brutal. The Cards head to Clemson, Notre Dame, and Kentucky, and don’t discredit any ACC team having to fly to Stanford. Visits from Miami and SMU in October will determine if the Cards faithful can dream about the Poptart Bowl or the ReliaQuest whatever Bowl.

Glass Half Full: Dammit I think Brohm is a great coach and there’s a reason Louisville whined like a spoiled brat to get him. He’s not far off the reputation of Lincoln Riley where you can throw any QB into his offense and it will hum. Not saying Shough will win the Heisman but he can easily win 8-9 games which is all you can ask for at Louisville. The Cards seemingly grow NFL DEs on trees and this year will be no different with Ashton Gillotte and Mason Reiger. I wouldn’t want to play this team. 

Glass Half Empty: Aside from the schedule, their OL is a huge concern which is replacing three starters. Their top 2 RBs and best WR were drafted this April. You’re asking a lot of your transfer portal class and Brohm’s wizardry to coalesce into a top 25 year for the Cards. I miss the days when Louisville was a dumpster fire with NCAA violations, accusations of hookers in dorm rooms, and a laughing stock of the ACC. Can we get back to that era? 

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SMU Mustangs

Coach: Rhett “There’s nothing interesting about me” Lashlee has been the SMU head coach for 2 years and netted an impressive 18-9 record however he’s 0-4 against Power 5 foes which needs to change. He’s an offensive savant and his SMU teams have been top 15 in the nation in scoring offense both years. Hopefully, SMU’s debut ACC season will yield inflammatory comments and/or controversy from Lashlee so I can get some dirt on this mayonnaise head.

Quarterback: Junior Preston Stone is back after a 3,000-yard, 28 TD, and 6 INT 2023 campaign. He’s one of the best QBs in the nation and will put up gaudy stats again in Lashlee’s offense. He missed the AAC championship game and most of the spring with a broken fibula so health is a concern here.

Schedule analysis: A condition of SMU joining the ACC was they’d be the unlucky soul that has to face Stanford & Cal every year. Nothing says ACC tradition quite like Cal visiting SMU on Thanksgiving weekend or a mid-October tilt between the Mustangs and Cardinal in Palo Alto. SMU has waited decades to be back in the national spotlight since the Pony Excess was put down like Barbaro and they got what they asked for. BYU, TCU, and FSU visit the second smallest stadium in the ACC all before October. Akin to NC State below, if they enter the first weekend of October at 4-1 or better then we will be having serious discussions about the Ponies riding into Charlotte in their debut season.

Glass Half Full: SMU has been waiting for this moment for a mere 35 years which is somehow a shorter time frame than it’s been since UNC has won the ACC. Another condition of SMU joining the ACC is they won’t receive ACC revenue distribution for 9 years which amounts to a mere $350 million. To counterbalance this, SMU boosters just raised $159 million and SMU isn’t even officially in the ACC yet - that happens on July 1. That’s off the field, on the field Lashlee has been stockpiling his roster thanks to the seemingly endless coffers of NIL money with P5 transfer. Who knows how it will work but if you were to put a blueprint in place on how to prep for a G5 to P4 transfer you’d do what SMU did.

Glass Half Empty: Welcome to the big leagues, Ponies. You’ve gone from the most well-resourced G5 team in the nation to…just another team. There’s no sneaking up on anyone and in the worst ACC teams are probably just as talented as you. 

NC State Wolfpack

Coach: Dave “Allergic to 10 wins” Doeren. NC State has achieved double-digit wins just once in their entire history and that was way back in 2002 with Philip Rivers when they won 11. Under Doeren they’ve reached the nine-win mark on four separate occasions. Maybe Doeren is playing chess by winning just enough to get contract extensions but not too much to irrationally raise expectations. Stop me if you’ve heard this before but State has the talent this year to do it! In a banner year for the Wolfpack athletic department, maybe they can honor Rivers by winning a game for each one of his 10 kids.  

Quarterback: Grayson McCall infamously said he pissed teal when he announced his return to Coastal Carolina last year. The three-time Sun Belt Player of the Year is coming off an injury-riddled 2023 campaign but when healthy he is one of the best downfield passers in the nation. He was heavily recruited by Auburn and every other SEC school in need of a QB for the past two years but landed in Raleigh. Let’s just hope he’s not pissing blood this fall. 

Schedule analysis: Charlotte is intimately familiar with two country, southern fanbases colliding at BofA stadium given past matchups of South Carolina v UNC, Georgia v Clemson, and UNC v West Virginia but NC State v Tennessee might cause a citywide Keystone Light shortage. 2 weeks after the UT game they visit Death Valley so we’ll know by the end of September if we should take this team seriously with all the offseason hype they’re getting. Their other September matchups are against Western Carolina, Louisiana Tech, and NIU so if they’re rolling into Winston on October 6^th at 4-1 or better then we will be having a serious playoff talk with the Wolfpack because their ACC slate is as easy as it gets.

Glass Half Full: On paper, there isn’t a hole on this team. QB Kidney Stones is joined by a bevy of P5 transfers at running back, wide receiver, and four starters back on the offensive line. Why does this write-up look exactly like Miami’s?

Glass Half Empty: Oh, it’s because NC State and Dave Doeren are a poor man’s Miami which is probably the most insulting thing I’ve ever written. Nevermind, that’s definitely not true but feel free to show me how they’re different in coaching ineptitude, expected offensive production, and irrational hype given their respective histories with…irrational offseason hype.

Tier 3: The Mid-Level Managers Gunning for a Promotion

Duke Blue Devils

Coach: Manny “Looks like a Duke student” Diaz is back in the ACC for the first time since he got fired as the head coach of Miami after a decent run, but UM just couldn’t pass up the opportunity to bring home Mario. Instead of boring you with how good of a defensive mind he is, remember in 2018 when he got hired as the head coach of Temple but rebuffed after 2 weeks because Miami offered him the head coaching position? People reacted as if he shot a puppy but he’s no Kristi Noem. Temple is a deadbeat program and who passes up the Miami job? He’s also from there! And what are promises worth in college football anyway? Jimbo Fisher promised championships at Texas A&M. Manti Te’o promised his girlfriend he wouldn’t miss a game no matter how sick she was. Evidently, the only person who can hold a promise in college football is Tim Tebow. 

Quarterback: Maalik Murphy is a highly touted transfer from Texas, and we wrote about the expectations surrounding him earlier this spring.

Schedule analysis: The best high school basketball player for the class of 2028 must reside in Murfreesboro, TN because that’s the only logical explanation I can think of for why Duke is playing at MTSU this fall. Other than that, their noncon schedule is nondescript except I look forward to watching the Nerd Bowl on Northwestern’s practice field. Diaz and Murphy better have their ducks in a row because their ACC slate is hellacious. Tobacco Road, with visits from FSU, SMU, and the Hokies to go with trips to Miami and Atlanta.

Glass Half Full & Empty: Maalik Murphy needs to turn in a Cillian Murphy in Oppenheimer performance this fall because that’s about all they can hope for. Their non conference schedule is a breeze but even then they’ll be fortunate to make a bowl. As it goes these days when your coach leaves, most of your roster leaves with it. There are still talented pieces on the roster, but your guess is as good as mine when it comes to how they’ll look this fall. 

 North Carolina Tar Heels

Coach: Mack “Yet to prove he is back” Brown. When can we officially kill the Mack is Back saying? From 2020 - 2023 UNC was ranked in the preseason top 25 and every year except 2020 they’ve finished the season unranked. As we’ve mentioned a million times over, we do not count the COVID season for anything, especially if it contradicts our narrative! For what it’s worth, in 2020 UNC was preseason #18 and finished #18. I’ll be the first to say, Brown has raised the floor of this program from what it was under Larry Fedora which for most of the time was a non-threat. Yet, Brown has massively underachieved with the talent at his disposal. Top recruiting classes, top draft picks, top brand, yet mediocre results. From 1988-1997 (Brown’s first stint in Chapel Hill) UNC was a preseason top-25 team four times and finished ranked twice. Maybe he is back after all. 

Quarterback: Welcome to Chapel Hill Mr. Max Johnson. The past three UNC starting QBs were drafted to the NFL with two going in the first round so no pressure kid. Two years at LSU and two years at Texas A&M resulted in some promising stats: a 60% completion rate, almost 6,000 yards, and 47 TDs to just 12 INTs. The problem is, he’s yet to start a full season and has only started games in relief of another QB. Now he enters the year #1 on the depth chart for the first time in his career but there’s no doubting his talent. 

Schedule analysis: Last year my vote for the most random, nonsensical non conference game was BYU @ Arkansas. This year the runaway winner is North Carolina @ Minnesota. We’re going to kick off Week 1 of the season on a Thursday night with a uniform color clash that would make Helen Keller wince. After three consecutive visits from regional foes Charlotte, NC Central, and James Madison their ACC slate begins with a trip to Wallace Wade. Visits from the Deacs and Wolfpack complete the Tobacco Road trifecta. They have to go to Tallahassee but other than that their schedule is pretty manageable but I’m excited to see which ACC team inexplicably knocks off the Heels. Will it be at Boston College? At Virginia? Pitt in Chapel Hill? No clue but unlike App State which Mack Brown has vowed never to schedule again because they might lose, inferior ACC foes are inescapable.

Glass Half Full & Empty: There was an ample amount of offseason smoke that RB Omarion Hampton was going to enter the transfer portal and get a fat payday from a top-tier team (likely Alabama). Luckily for the Heels, that never happened and now they return the junior RB who rushed for the fifth most yards in the country last year. A light September schedule will ease the rest of the offense along and look out for WRs Nate McCollum and Jordan Shipp. Per usual, there’s five-star talent throughout the defense and maybe that gets fixed with new DC Geoff Collins. The middle of the defense (DT, LB, and S) is all new and UNC gave up 400 yards/game last year. The talent has always been there, the question is can Mack put it together?

Syracuse Orange

Coach: Fran “Always be ‘crootin” Brown who we detailed in an earlier newsletter from this spring.

Quarterback: Kyle McCord like DJU escaped crucifixion by his previous fanbase. Granted he has Marvin Harrison Jr. and Emeka Egbuka to throw to while DJU had Austin Rogers and Collin Wallace. I just made up those two Clemson WR names, but you couldn’t name a receiver worth a damn to come out of Clemson in the past three years either. McCord's entire OL and WR corp are also transfers so it’d be a fool's errand to predict his performance.

Schedule analysis: If I asked a random generator to name the five college football programs and it spat out Ohio, Georgia Tech, Stanford, Holy Cross, and UNLV I’d be impressed with its algorithm…or lack thereof. If you also figured out that’s the first five games on Syracuse’s schedule, you’d be correct. Congratulations you’re catching on. I don’t know when the first time a Syracuse game would even warrant a meager third screen on my college football Saturday, but I’ll guess at least the first quarter of the 10/12 game against NC State. The rest of the schedule is irrelevant except for a Thanksgiving weekend visit from Miami. I think there’s a parallel to be drawn between Miami football players traveling to upstate New York in late November and Brittney Griner being banished to Siberia. 

Glass Half Full & Empty: Just like Duke, how can you possibly look at this team and be able to make any coherent argument for or against them? Everything in their program is new except for their shitty dome. There’s no track record for Fran Brown, McCord is an enigma, and they theoretically loaded up in the transfer portal…but which team hasn’t? Oh, Clemson.

Wake Forest Demon Deacons (Author: Tate)

Coach: Dave Clawson enters his 11th season in Winston and while Rand can formulate jokes about nearly every coach under the sun, I don’t think there are too many jabs you can take at Clawson. He’s taken Wake to countless bowl games including an 11-win season and ACC Title appearance in 2021, and has turned the Deacs into a threat to be feared for anyone on their schedule, including the big boys in Clemson and FSU - the latter of which the Deacs had beaten three consecutive times before the Noles got them last year.

Quarterback: Oh boy. If there is one thing that the 2023 season made clear for the Deacs, it’s that the days of John Wolford and Sam Hartman (with a little Jamie Newman sprinkled in) are truly over. The 2023 Wake QB room bludgeoned their own great name with a rusty knife in the matter of one season last year, and the QB spot remains the biggest question mark this year. 6th-year Senior Michael Kern will battle veteran transfer Hank Bachmeier (Boise State & Louisiana Tech), and while there is certainly a ton of experience between the two, it’s a far cry from the days of “Hartman returns for his 183rd season for the Deacs to woo the hearts of women everywhere.” Bachmeier has seen success as a starter to be sure (8,663 passing yards over 5 seasons), and Kern has managed to play in multiple Wake games for 5 straight seasons himself. Maybe Clawson’s offensive genius works magic for these guys, but right now, we’re not overflowing with confidence, to say the least. Whichever one is more physically attractive should probably get the job, because that seems to have worked out well for the Deacs in the past.

Schedule analysis: The ACC managed to put two of the three conference favorites on the Deacs’ schedule in Miami and Clemson, and Rand’s good friends in the Wake athletic department did him no favors by scheduling an out-of-conference game against Ole Miss, who happens to be a potential top-5 team in the country this year. The rest of the non conference schedule should result in 3 wins, though, but both games against in-state rivals UNC and NC State come away Winston this year. There are some tremendously tough games in here for sure, but for a team whose goal is likely to just get back to a bowl game after a 3-9 season in 2023, it could be worse. An away game against Stanford and the season finale in Winston against Duke could be the deciding factors on whether the Wake players are awarded the honor of cannibalizing a human in a Pop-Tart suit in December.

Glass Half Full: As mentioned above, there is a significant amount of experience between the two battling QBs, which was far from the case in 2023 and could result in much more competent QB play. Star WR Donavon Greene also returns after missing the 2023 season with an injury, and Demond Claiborne is as explosive of a running back as exists in the ACC this year. With a little improvement from the offensive line - which often goes hand-in-hand with better QB play - there is certainly reason to be cautiously optimistic that the Deacs can start putting up 30 points in games once again. Defensive coordinator Brad Lambert oversaw tremendous improvements on that side of the ball in 2023, and Wake returns multiple key defenders in edge rusher Jasheen Davis, LB Dylan Hazen, and interior DL Kevin Pointer who is great at plugging up the middle. Continued improvement on defense means the Wake offense doesn’t need to return to the Hartman-led productivity, it just needs to be… not horrific. That seems doable.

Glass Half Empty: At the end of the day, the QB battle is coming down to a guy who has transferred away from two different G5 programs, and a guy who hasn’t been able to establish himself as the starter in Winston in over 5 years - even with how awful the rest of the Deacs’ options were in 2023. The offensive line was dreadful at times in 2023 and if that is not improved, this offense could become very one-dimensional very quickly and end up being nothing more than a lower-level ACC team scrapping for a bowl game. So much hinges on one, if not both, of the QBs stepping up to fill a huge void. As much improvement as there was defensively last season, that unit did seemingly fall apart late in the season, and there are big question marks - and lots of youth - in the secondary. Perhaps Wale Forest can crowd-source some NIL funds from some of their hilariously wealthy international students to pay for some cornerbacks in the 2025 recruiting class, but for 2024, I’m a little worried that teams may be able to throw all over them as the season goes along.

Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets

Coach: Brent “I’m only around because my employer is broke as hell” Key. Jon Scheyer replacing Coach K at Duke, Brooklyn Decker getting discovered by a modeling agent in a Charlotte shopping mall which is pretty creepy now that I think of it, and Brent Key being the Tech OL coach when Geoff Collins (UNC’s DC) was fired. Tech publicly went after Tulane’s Willie Fritz (now at Houston) but because the athletic department is $300 million in the red, they couldn’t afford a top-tier head coach. Year 1 yielded a very surprising 7-6 record and most of that can be attributed to…

Quarterback: Haynes King was another refugee of the Jimbo Fisher experiment in College Station and but a QB transfer portal success story. King is a dual threat and had four games with 80 rushing yards including 150 against Boston College last year. For Georgia Tech to take the next step he needs to prove he can protect the ball and now blow up in the interception column.

Schedule analysis: If King can get this team to the lowly Wasabi Fenway Bowl retire his jersey. Week 0 brings the aforementioned trip to Dublin to face Florida State which is just one of six matchups against preseason top 25 teams. Trips to Louisville and Georgia are sandwiched in between visits from Notre Dame, Miami, and N.C. State. Additionally, they have to travel to Virginia Tech, Syracuse, and UNC. Throw in a toss-up game at home against Duke and you’re left with visits from Georgia State and VMI but don’t ever sleep on the Keydets. You, innocent, naive, reader might be shocked to know that after Wake Forest & Georgia, the most represented alumni base from our readers might be Virginia Military Institute. Am I being forced to write about VMI football with a gun to my head? Alright, I’m being told to move on to the next section. 

Glass Half Full & Empty: The Jackets will go as far as their stout rushing attack (12th in the nation last year) will take them which is…not very far. Well, they did go bowling last year for the first time since 2019 but also had losses to Bowling Green and Boston College. King’s development will be key and maybe, just maybe, they can knock off a top team or two. 

Tier 4: The Summer Interns Who Are Just Happy to be Here

 Boston College Eagles

Coach: Bill “Yawn” O’Brien is in Beantown after Jeff Hafley pulled a Scott Satterfield and said, “You can’t fire me because I quit!” and fucked off to Green Bay. O’Brien is widely and rightfully lauded for working miracles at Penn State following the Sandusky scandal and after an NFL stint with the Texans, he was the OC at Bama when they had Bryce Young. Given the talent he had with and surrounding Bryce Young, it’s hard to get a read on his coaching acumen. The Eagles haven’t been relevant or cared about football since the mid-2000s and that’s unlikely to change just because a new coach is in town. 

Quarterback: Thomas Castellanos is back after rushing for over 1,000 yards and 13 TDs last year. His passing accuracy needs to improve, and Billy O should help with that but he’s as dangerous as anyone in the country when he tucks and runs.

Schedule analysis: Credit to AD Blake James for scheduling aggressively as it’s refreshing to see ADs not ducking preeminent nonconference games, but this is a pretty bad year for BC to have a murder’s row in the noncon. Scratch that, every year is a bad year for BC to have a difficult noncon slate but unless Matt Ryan’s kid is on the roster they’re staring down the barrel of the 1-4 September. After 15 million people watch them get slaughtered in Tallahassee on Labor Day they get their cupcake against Duquesne before heading to preseason top 10 Missouri before hosting Michigan State and Western Kentucky in Chestnut Hill. As I sit here in June, I’m more confident they’ll lose to Western Kentucky than they will Michigan State. Trips to Virginia Tech and SMU probably won’t be too fun for them either.

Glass Half Full: Not to put a ton of stock into a singular game from last year but that’s exactly what I’m going to do. QB Castellanos almost single-handedly beat FSU last September but the Eagles ultimately fell 31-29. It would’ve saved a lot of pouting from FSU last winter had they won but alas. Castellanos and RB Kye Robichaux make up one of the best returning rushing attacks in the nation and almost, might, maybe surprise some teams just like they did last year.

Glass Half Empty: It’s impossible to get over the schedule which is probably the second toughest one in the conference behind Georgia Tech. Boston College has won 6 or 7 games in 8 of the past 10 years which is surprising and impressive now that I think of it, but that’s going to be nearly impossible unless Castellanos is the second coming of Jalen Hurts. Also, they lost to Northern Illinois last year so I don’t trust them for a second. 

Stanford Cardinal

Coach: Troy “Left Sacramento State for Stanford and promptly lost to Sacramento State as the head coach of Stanford” Taylor. I mean I also wouldn’t turn down a job offer at Stanford either but buddy, we’ve got to do better than losing to your former FCS team in year 1. Taylor is regarded as an offensive wizard and has the track record to prove it when he was the OC at Eastern Washington and turned Sac State into a scoring juggernaut in just three years. Remains to be seen if he can do it at Stanford but there’s no pressure on him (yet) given the putrid condition David Shaw left the program in for him.

Quarterback: Junior Ashton Daniels is back which is a boon for the Cardinal as Taylor attempts to transform this offense into the high-scoring machine as he promised. Like any first-year starter under a new head coach and learning a new offense, Daniels was a roller coaster and needs to show consistency in year 2.

Schedule analysis: Stanford might be new to the ACC but they’re not new to raucous environments having played in Autzen, Rice-Eccles, and Notre Dame Stadium (where they go again this year). Yet, I don’t know if the players are adequately prepared for the insults that are coming their way when they step into Death Valley and Carter-Finley Stadium. Pac-12 fanbases treat football games as a fun weekend event and of course, will be upset with a loss but they won’t be put on a suicide watch list like State and Clemson fans are if the Pack or Tigers lose. They also have a trip to Syracuse which should be considered cruel and unusual punishment for anyone, much less Bay Area pretty boys who will need to be reassured they don’t need a passport for the flight. Welcome to the ACC!

Glass Half Full: If Taylor and the Cardinal are going to make a noticeable leap forward in year two he’s got the offense to do it. 9 of 11 starters are back including WR Elic Ayomanor who had a casual 294 yards and 3 TDs while being guarded by Colorado CB Travis Hunter last year. WR Tiger Bachmeier (brother of potential Wake QB) is fast as hell and has a cool name which immediately bumps up my expectations for him. Year 1 was an expected wash for Taylor but we’ve seen some impressive year 2 leaps in college football recently, and he’s got the track record to not completely write him off…yet.

Glass Half Empty: Let’s do some rapid-fire 2023 scores and see if you can pick up on a pattern: lost to USC 56-10, lost to Oregon 42-6, lost to UCLA 42-7, lost to Oregon State 62-17, lost to Notre Dame 56-23. So they can’t score and can’t stop anyone. They’re going to suck.

Cal Golden Bears

Coach: Justin “Got offered the Oregon job and said no to stay at…Cal?” Wilcox. I know marijuana and every other drug is legal in Oregon but I have no idea what Wilcox and the Oregon admin were smoking in December of 2022. Wilcox has been at Cal since 2017 but following the departure of Mario Cristobal to Miami, Oregon reportedly offered him the job which he turned down. Wilcox was coming off a 5-7 season in 2021 and a 4-8 season in 2022 but still got a job offer to his alma mater, and Eugene is his hometown. Good thing he majored in anthropology because he can start digging his own grave.

Quarterback: Sophomore Fernando Mendoza who had a meager 14 TDs to 10 INTs freshmen campaign while throwing for less than 2,000 yards in 8 games last year. Maybe he improves, maybe he doesn’t. Doesn’t really matter because the Bears have RB Jaydn Ott.

Schedule analysis: I thought Stanford had it rough having to go to NC State and Clemson but Cal’s road trips are even more daunting. In Week 2 they head to the Plains to repay Auburn for their trip to Berkeley from last year. Two weeks later they head even farther into America’s armpit to face FSU. If Ivan Pavlov were still alive I’m convinced he’d embed himself with the Cal or Stanford fanbases because realignment is a poorly disguised social experiment. If you have any leads on diehard Stanford and/or Cal fans please send them my way. I’m already crafting my Nobel Prize acceptance speech for social psychology.  

Glass Half Full: Cal returns almost their entire team and most importantly star RB Jaydn Ott who is the best RB in the ACC if not the nation. I don’t know if you can be a ‘respectable’ 6-7 but their losses last year were to Utah, Oregon, Washington, Auburn, Texas Tech, Oregon State, and USC. They’ve got a tough schedule with FSU, Miami, SMU, and NC State but I wouldn’t be surprised with a 2-2 record coming out of those games. Don’t sleep on the Bears.

Glass Half Empty: When was the last time you either A) watched a Cal football game or B) watched it and thought, “Wow they’re kinda good.” The answer is you have no idea and if you do you’re lying. They had Jared Goff who went #1 overall and sucked. Forget double-digit wins, the last time they even got to 9 wins was 2008 when Jahvid Best and Shane Vereen were running backs. This team will go 6-7 again, win the games they’re supposed to, and compete but lose the ones they’re underdogs in. 

Pitt Panthers

Coach: Pat “Old man yells at cloud” Narduzzi. The Nard Dog always has some excuses for his team's inferior play since Kenny Pickett led them to the 2021 ACC Championship. Last offseason it was tampering and publicly called out Lincoln Riley and USC for throwing $1 million at WR Jordan Addison to catch passes from Caleb Williams instead of Phil Jurkovec. After losing 58-7 to Notre Dame last year he had to apologize for saying, “As a football coach you lose a lot of good players from a year ago and you think as a coach you’re going to replace them and obviously we haven’t.” He also caught flack in 2020 for calling his players thugs. Thankfully Dabo is still around or else I’d be forced to shed more light on this transition lens wearer. 

Quarterback: Nate Yarnell who started two meaningless games against Duke and Boston College last year and looks like either he bought out Jos. A. Bank. before his first day as an intern on Wall Street, his parents are going to sue me for writing that, or both.

Schedule analysis: If the Pitt Panthers aren’t in a bowl game come December Narduzzi needs to be thrown in the Allegheny River. Kent State, @ Cincinnati, Youngstown State, Cal, Syracuse, Virginia, @ Boston College. They don’t even leave the Eastern time zone except for a November trip to Dallas to play SMU. I was so appalled at this schedule luck I had to look up their 2025 schedule to make sure karma is still a thing and thankfully it is, but I’ll save that until next June when I’m older, wiser, and cuter. 

Glass Half Empty: Pitt doesn't deserve my care or attention for a litany of reasons so I’ll let DE Dayon Hayes who transferred out of the program this spring and issued the following remarks speak for me: “It’s just that I don’t believe we can win now…I believe we [were going to] win games, but I believe we are [in] a developmental stage. And I just can’t do that right now.”

Virginia Cavaliers

Coach: Tony “Remember when I was Clemson’s OC” Elliott is entering his third year (6-16 overall) with the Hoos and it would be-hoo-ve him (this is what you get when Tate goes to Switzerland, also it’s Virginia football so stop rolling your eyes) to get the program to show more signs of life than a hibernating grizzly. When he was Clemson’s OC and winning national championships, he and Brent Venables were the first names to pop up on any shortlist after a coach at a P5 program was let go. Ironically, Clemson has been meh since they both left and you’d be hard-pressed to find an Oklahoma fan who’d consider the Venables hire an unmitigated success. Nonetheless, he got a fat contract extension last week. What team am I writing about again?

Quarterback(s): Aptly named senior Tony Muskett and sophomore Anthony Colandrea. Muskett will be the starter on Day 1 but if there are injuries or ineptitude UVA will have a quick hook to throw in the sophomore Colandrea who threw for almost 2,000 yards last fall after Muskett went down with injuries. Muskett is better at protecting the football while Colandrea is the future of the program and is more dynamic.

Schedule analysis: Throwback alert in Week 3 as Maryland comes back to Scott Stadium for the first time since their “save us from debt” departure to the Big 10. The following week they head to the Teal Turf and face the Chanticleers which is an interesting scheduling strategy. The back half of the schedule includes trips to Clemson, Pitt, Notre Dame, and Virginia Tech for the Commonwealth Cup. Bona Fortuna Wahoowa.  

Glass Half Full: They bring almost their entire roster back.

Glass Half Empty: See above and note they went 3-9 last year. 

Tweet of the Week 

On Wednesday night, ESPN College Football writer Bill Connelly tweeted a link to his Round of 16 Euro preview which we could give a rip about as long as England doesn’t win. On the 4th & Forever Twitter account (@_4thandforever) I figured I’d promote this newsletter. Here was the exchange:

Touche Bill, Touche.

Have a great 4th of July and we will talk to you in two weeks.

Thank you for reading 4th & Forever. Feel free to forward this to friends & family and if you have comments or suggestions on the newsletter, please let us know. We really appreciate any and all feedback on this project. Check out our website by going to 4thandforevercfb.com where you can drop us suggestions, read and comment on previous newsletters, and argue with us and other readers.

Rand Fisher & Tate Smillie met a few years ago through their good buddy Dave Peljovich who went to college with Rand and high school with Tate. Tate went to Georgia and has spent two years of the last three years collecting championship rings while traveling to watch the Dawgs. Rand went to known CFB powerhouse Wake Forest and currently pays rent in Atlanta but is rarely found there with all the work & CFB travel he does.